A certain alpha male is all in the news today for fathering a child on someone not his wife. This speaks volumes about his character, or lack thereof.
I have another take. Not to defend him (though I've always liked the guy), but like many men he put himself in this position with the collusion of an imperfect society.
As an alpha male, he's clearly been something of a force of nature to the women around him. In his heart, it was not unnatural to have relations with many, and to have children with more than one. This is not unnatural for many men.
Society has evolved rules to govern the chaos this behavior enables. Society has also evolved rules that change more slowly than the environments under which rules evolve.
Seems to me, if Arnold had the option of discussing his interest in the other woman with Maria beforehand, and Maria had the option of understanding this was not a rejection of her or of her children but simply an aspect of the very normal if somewhat assertive man she married, then the potential exists for there to have been no problem at all.
Instead, five children, two women, and two men (if we count Arnold) are in pain that the fundamental biological facts do not warrant.
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22 comments:
sounds a little pollyanna-ish. ;-)
Would Maria have been able to accept that it wasn't a rejection of her? I have come to learn that many women have difficulty with that. No matter what they are told, their hearts continue to inform them that they are being rejected, they are seen as inferior.
But at least she would have had more information from which to choose her own path earlier.
Aside: thinking you're not terribly terse today.
Maybe Arnold just wants to fuck a lot of women and not be in a longterm relationship with them.
That's part of nature, too. Though I'd love to hear the conversation as Zeus. . . I mean, Arnold, explains that his random couplings and progeny aren't a rejection at all but just part of his wonderfulness.
My assumption is that Arnold had a very meaningful relationship with a woman who worked for him for 20 years and rose his child in secret. A relationship poisoned by their managing of the circumstances, but meaningful within itself. This is very, very different from just wanting to fuck a lot of women. The latter is pure ego, proving oneself through one's penis, and using whoever can be manipulated into playing along.
Apparently Arnold has financially supported this mom and baby, so I can't see how it is my business. "My" meaning the community, California, the US, the world. Maria, unlike most 50ish women whose marriages have crashed is extraordinarily wealthy, so I can't really cry for her, plus it's not like this is so shocking from him.
As for the rejection, yes, that may be hardwired. Polygynous societies mainly seem to work when the women are suppressed. I suspect the rejection fear arises from a primal fear that her offspring will be abandoned; which, in the primal forest, they often were, as far as the male was concerned.
For the whole thing to work, people probably need to be raised in a society that does not amplify those primal fears.
It's our business because we go "Ooh! Look!" and the infotainment business gets more business.
I find it interesting how the article ties the vague allegations of "inappropriate touching" to the story of a long-term adulterous affair in a "see? See? He's a scum-sucking pig and we've known it all along!" fashion.
How did these writers or this periodical approach the Clinton affair(s)? Similarly?
They justify their ire with his approach to gay marriage, a subject much energized since the Clinton years, and which is very different from Obama's approach in that, um, in that, ah, you know.
I missed the LT affair part myself, only read that she was an LT employee. For all I know it could have been a ONS. Or not. Don't care. I lump it all together (groping, other affairs, baby) as a pattern Maria might have picked up on. You choose to stay with a guy who gropes other women, you shouldn't be too terribly shocked he fucked one. Sometimes fucking makes bab ies, etc. I'm not being all superior here as I have made poor choices myself, just not this one.
Obama's SC choices so far will be good for gay rights/marriage in the long run, but he was bad for that in the Cali election.
I agree with you that secrecy poisons relationships. Perhaps you've read something that lets you paint with utmost generosity what others might see differently. My hunch: the truth lies somewhere between deep commitment and a kind of blackmail. But then, you're a romantic and I'm not.
I don't follow the news lately, or the infotainment stuff, so I'm not sure what the deal is beyond what you've written here (and what was tweeted about all day yesterday, ugh). I do know that it's amazing to me how the default is always to assume that monogamy is the Only Right Way.
Not much more to say right now, but I'm really glad to be easing my way back into your worlds (you, gekko, Paula, etc.) Christine, do you blog? And, is it weird that I really, really want to write Chris.tine? :-)
@gekko: "Would Maria have been able to accept that it wasn't a rejection of her?"
Apparently not, or at least not in public since she took the publicly acceptable path of breaking up her family over it.
That said, she should have been able. She is, after all, the very definition of the alpha female.
H, I usually sign things Chris.tine among old friends. Just forgot this time.
Yes, I blog, but not the way you all do. I do a blog for a community site so I usually (cross that out: sometimes) try to tie stuff into something that relates to the community. Though you might like my last one: http://www.wauwatosanow.com/blogs/communityblogs/122036429.html
Vhat is dis bullshit here? Maria's fantaaghghstic guys! Come on!
All vimmen ah fantaaaghghstic!
Kaleeforniauh's fantastic!
Vo ist mein kaiserschmarrn?
My assumption is that Arnold had a very meaningful relationship with a woman who worked for him for 20 years and rose his child in secret.
Snerk. I'm sure he respected her very very much, the whole time he kept her employed as his servant, taking orders from his wife, cleaning his toilets. I'm sure his supporting his own son, even though that is no more than what he is morally and legally required to do, was an act of sheer love and nobility, and had nothing to do with his desire to avoid scandal, and thereby continue to hold the kind of position of power that would afford him opportunities such as, yanno, fucking the housekeeper.
I don't know the big A and I don't know how it went down, whether it was sexual harassment or lurve or something in between. And as a citizen I don't care, since nobody involved is claiming any sort of crime and they're all grownups (except the poor teenage kid who has to deal with this now). But it's hard for me to reconcile this story with any sort of desire to, say, have dinner with the guy.
Also meant to add that the tie-ins with the groping make perfect sense to me, since many of the women who made allegations were in a setting in which he was set up as their superior (an intern at CNN, employees on film sets where his clout was unquestionable). If any of his assery is news at all (which it could be argued it's not), then so is his pattern of repeatedly having interactions of a sexual sort with women over whom he is in a position of power.
I wrote "meaningful relationship" before stories of the other women came out. One of my poor habits is projection, and my first tendency is to take the facts as given and kind of fit a version of myself into them. It may seem weird but this is why it didn't occur to me he was just using women and happened to knock one up and had the money to keep it hushed. My imagination instead concocted a more romantic scenario that included love of some real sort or other.
Probably I should take that all back and say, geez, what an asshole. And he's Austrian too! I should know better.
Racchhh!
Sie haben dobos torte alle über Ihrem Gesicht!
Und damit viel für Sie, mein Freund
Du hast ...
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Du hast mich ...
Du hast deine Lunacyatnoonwebbenseit misgeschpellenst! Aus! Aus mit dein bad self!
Jawohl, Herr Obergruppenfuhrer!
Ja, und Schwarzie ist der Ubergropinfuhrer!
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