I don't like breaking rules. I don't like playing pranks. I get terribly uncomfortable at the thought of doing something to someone they didn't ask for. So it's with some chagrin I have to take responsibility for a stunt we're going to pull at Burning Man.
The city is laid out like a clock face. The Man is at the center. Radial streets are named 2:00, 2:30, 3:00, and so on, from 2:00 to 10:00. From 10 to 2 is the opening to the desert, to deep playa where the larger art installations are placed. The first circular street, the Esplanade, is about a mile in diameter. Outwards from that, concentric streets are named alphabetically, according to the year's theme. This year's theme is Rites of Passage, and the concentric street names are Anniversary, Birthday, Coming Out, etc.
Our camp is located on 7:30, at the corner of Funeral. No one is happy about that name.
We were talking about camp layout and defining the space for presence, for practicality, and to reduce corner-cutting foot traffic. We are concerned about corner-cutting because the octahuts will be gathered near the streets for effect, and those of us living in them don't want people just wandering through. For all that everyone who goes to Burning Man is cool, there's always someone who takes unilateral reverse-gifting a little too far. God damn self-entitled neo-hippies.
Anyway, it was pointed out that at the corner there will be a street sign, and that will help define that corner of our space. We'll add another thing we have there, and the ground will clearly be a camp, and few if any pedestrians will cut through. So far so good.
On the subject of the street sign, someone said, "Aah, stupid Funeral. I hate that."
I said, "We should just repaint it First Fuck."
Oh. My. God. Hilarity ensued, and the ideas started flyin'.
New Camp Project. Next week when a couple of our guys go up to drop some of our stuff and help out with BRC infrastructure (the place is built on volunteer labor, and ours includes setting up emergency radio networks), they will find the not-yet-emplaced street signs and scope out the styling and colors. Then we'll make twenty or thirty replacements that say First Fuck. During Burning Man, some night at four in the morning, we'll cruise along Funeral in our art car with a nail gun and rename an entire street. Fucking brilliant.
I hate to screw with things, especially someone else's work. But really, a funeral is no rite of passage. Death is, sort of, but. All rites of passage pale against a first fuck.
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Mine was awful, but that was all my own fault. I'm positive my last one will be a million times better. Anyway, I think this is a great idea! And it's so great that no one should get mad. :)
Mine wasn't all that great, but the next guy should've been my first, so in my mind i make him my first official fuck. And it was magical.
Fun project! I agree with Paula that no one ought to get upset. If they do, give 'em a cookie.
FTR, mine was fab. On the project, there's a mild worry that someone will go around painting over the R's.
I guess that could also qualify as a rite of passage. So to speak.
First fucks. Wonder if "horrible" or even "meh" is more of a girl thing and a higher number of guys polled will think it was fabulous.
Bet the guy who was the first to play hide the sausage with my hoo hah would also say it was fab. He got it up, got it in, thrust a few times and gasped. Face turned red. I think he liked it. It seemed quite a let down for me. Earth didn't move, angels failed to materialize and do the grand chorale thing. It hurt more than was pleasant, and I felt sticky and ashamed afterward.
First guy was virgin.
Second wasn't. Not only had he not pressured me at all leading up to it, when I did decide to go with it, he put me off so he could prepare. We met later that night, he had prepared a little love nest, and he took his time making love to me before letting Mr. Jones Go to Town. He showed me how to find pleasure.
_That_ was fab.
Pity you can't rename a street "First (experienced) Fuck" and have it work.
Well, I was a virg' for her first but never heard any complaints, and in fact we kept at it for several years after.
Over the years it shocked me to learn how many females' first time was not voluntary. Some rite.
Mine was voluntary, totally planned by me. But the guy was more a friend than someone who inspired mad passion, and I basically wanted to get it over with just to see what it was like. Dumb!
My first fuck was probably pretty meh overall on the scale of fucking. Like a 2. (it was in the back of a car, which becomes more of an athletic struggle against spatial impossibility, especially when there's another couple in the front seat, so you've got to be discrete and tangled and uncomfortable and fucking.)
But I'd have to say it went to 11 just for the sense of relief that I might die tomorrow, but at least I'd know I got some.
I did eventually learn to get away from the "got some" and work on actual competency.
I don't know why you ladies ever bothered with teenage boys.
Mine was a time to get rid of this virginity thing. And as so many others, it was "THAT'S what all the fuss is about?!"
We bothered with very young and experienced men because they were pretty. And urgent. Older guys seemed pretty gross, though the one friend I had who's first experience was great was with a much older, and very kind, man.
"Not voluntary" is pretty common. But there's a range of not voluntary from hard force to "oh, it would just be easier to go through with this." Lots of that kind of sex going on, too.
My first both asked me to marry him and told me he was gay. Took me a long time to get over that feeling that his one experience with a woman was meh, and that was on me.
Didn't take long to rather enjoy sex, but it took much longer to really get into it, to OWN it. Just about the time I got too old to attract partners . Life's ironic, eh?
(That would be "very young and INEXPERIENCED. . ")
Got that. Stuck on "I got too old to attract partners." Not buyin' it. I respect that you might think so. A common affliction. Curable.
Okay. You're right. I'll modify that. I no longer enjoy sex, no matter how technically good, with someone who's not really that into me. Me. ME ME ME ME. Not just my clean and competent parts and behaviors.
And there's the rub. The getting really into someone has a big physical attraction component. And while I'm attractive, it just doesn't work the same way as you get old.
To get into someone no longer young means appreciating something other than package and style. You have to know them and resonate with something deeper, some character or experience thing or whatever. You don't have the same ability to get people to WANT to know you.
I can get fucked. Getting loved, that's harder.
@Chris.tine: "while I'm attractive, it just doesn't work the same way as you get old."
Yes it does, dear. Yes it does. I like that you're a good looking woman. There's no downside to that. But I like more that you're a smart, interesting, enjoyable, funny, good looking woman.
'Stine, you're a hot little biscuit. I'm thinking if you haven't found love yet, it's because no one within your reach is capable of appreciating your you-ness. So your reach ought to extend a bit, maybe.
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