Sometimes I go to the old house, the one I moved out of, and I see unfinished business. Not emotional business, just stuff not done.
A metal bookshelf I acquired years ago, prone in the side yard, entwined with several years' weeds, the ground about strewn with empty plastic flowerpots.
The PVC water pipe I capped off near the hot tub, a stub out of the ground where I meant to put in a hose bib.
Fishing poles and canoe paddles and pogo sticks in their holding bin under layers of cobwebs and dust.
The dogs, eager, rambunctious, waiting for someone to teach them how to behave.
I get so depressed when I see all that. Some are reminders of what I meant to do and didn't. Some are reminders that I take care of stuff now in my current life and didn't so much in the old one.
Sometimes I wonder if I will only really be able to set myself free if I go over there and take care of business; and not just the unfinished projects and the piles of mess, but tie it all in with pursuing an honest divorce.
skip to main |
skip to sidebar
Click to zoom in
This wouldn't be necessary
About Me
Where I is At
Click to zoom in
Labels
- random poastery (139)
- wordless wednesday (131)
- burning man (123)
- the life (112)
- family (86)
- work (70)
- pictures overload (63)
- writing (46)
- travel (33)
- history (30)
- separation (25)
- that crazy inventive streak (25)
- thursday thing (23)
- aminals (20)
- annoyances (19)
- cars (19)
- music (19)
- polyticks (18)
- terse tuesday (17)
- nano (16)
- the long ago (16)
- f-f-f-f-friday (15)
- art (14)
- crazy shit (14)
- monday mutt (14)
- homelife (12)
- cinema (11)
- geekery (11)
- baseball (10)
- reading (10)
- xmas sux (8)
- 100words (7)
- road (7)
- mobile blogging (6)
- juplaya (5)
- being all negative n shit (3)
- Things I Decide Not To Post On Facebook (2)
- days in the life (2)
- party life (1)
- xmas (1)
Blog Archive
-
▼
2012
(143)
-
▼
Feb
(23)
- Wordless Wednesday
- Terse Tuesday
- Monday's Mutt
- Eighty Six
- Thursday Things
- Heaven
- Wordless Wednesday
- Terse Tuesday
- Not So Wordless Wednesday
- There Are No Bad Hobbits, Only Hobbits With Bad Ha...
- Skype: Overrated.
- In a hole in the ground, there lived a hobbit
- Wordless Wednesday
- Terse Tuesday V
- Terse Tuesday IV
- Terse Tuesday III
- Terse Tuesday II
- Terse Tuesday I
- Monday's Mutt
- Monday 'Mazement
- A Brief Tale of Winter
- Sometimes
- Wordless Wednesday
-
▼
Feb
(23)
11 comments:
I'm surprised your ex is OK with things dragging on. I hated that.
-Paula
I'm even more surprised she doesn't want to sell that house and get rid of all of it - physically and emotionally. If it's depressing for you when you go there, imagine for her living with it every day.
Down market. Job? If not, then keeping her on your insurance makes sense.
Consider the concept of a "civil divorce". Go through all the motions, including spreadsheeting the settlement. Do not file. Each of you does some agreed ceremonial thing, announcing that you divorce one another. You're free, emotionally. Then if a legal need to divorce for real arises, update the settlement, split the retirement, etc., and file.
She gets closure, but keeps your benefits.
I fear the divorce motions. I fear reconnecting to that level and then facing it. Much easier to go on and play and leave the pot bubbling on its own and not stir it up again. I know that's an illusion, I'm just blurting out my feelings on it.
She has taken steps to make the house her own. It was her vision and it's truly in a beautiful setting. She has had to live with the ghosts but the idea of uprooting is incredibly intimidating.
It's a fearsome thing, yes, or ought to be. Emotions are churned, over and again. Not fun.
Funny. I was thinking about a picture I used to have, a woman with a house strapped on her back, trying to walk up a hill. Because I feel like that woman, stuck dragging this house around, nice though it may be.
Walk away, I think. Why not? Why is it so hard to walk away?
Took me years to work up to the divorce. You do it when you can't bear what you are in anymore.
You do it when you can't bear what you are in anymore.
Leaving me to think that she would be the one to push for it first. As unhappy as I had been in my marriage, I was reticent to actually push the button (well, he'd cleaned up a lot of his problems so there was less unbearability for me anyway). He's the one who reached his straining point first.
I'm glad he did. Wish I'd had the strength of mind to do it earlier, as it was the right decision and I survived the pain.
You do. Survive. There's a repeated theme in The Ethical Slut when discussing the emotions bound up in jealousy about bearing down and gritting your teeth through the pain, experiencing it and learning you can and will survive it. And what does not kill us makes us stronger, etc.
So.
Anyone got a ladyfinger? I don't want to head to the store for a ladyfinger, but I'm suddenly craving ladyfingers. Go figure.
What does not kill us can distort and deform us. That's as least as likely as making us stronger. Every bad thing I've ever done has been the result of gritting through the pain too long.
Just sayin'.
Ladyfingers?! Really. Actually, I haz some. I forgot. They were for tiramisu I never made.
I'm a believer in thinking what will make me. That is, if I focus on "ohgawdthishurts" and "its gonna make me twisted and dark" then that's what I'll become. I knows it, because I done it. It was a decision I made when somehow some glimmer of light fought its way into my soul, long ago, to stop focusing on all the dreadfulness and to pushpushpush to find the light and happiness.
It's a struggle.
So when the bad shit happens, I feel the pain of it for an amount of time, but not really liking that pain, I remind myself to survive it and learn from it.
Ain't easy.
Over the ladyfinger thing now. Kinda hankering for ... Idunno. Soup, maybe? Some kind of tomato bisque.
Can't help with the soup but I have an amazing beef stew with artichoke hearts bubbling behind me.
Post a Comment