OK. I think part of the reason is I met Sunny and the littles at the drive-in, and sat in a folding chair out in a freezing cold night (for Sacramento in June), and the sound track was a conglomeration of emanations from various car stereos, and I had a squirmy talker in my lap for the final third, so I missed perhaps some of the dramatic subtleties. I can recommend it easily enough. I just find it easy to go "meh" when everyone else is waxing four-out-of-five-stars over something and I'm not. I had a good time just being with them at the drive-in, though.
* * *
I haven't decided if I'm going to Juplaya. It's a 4th of July (hence "juplaya") tradition when a few thousand people informally converge on the Black Rock Desert (the playa) and by their combined energy create a sort of pseudo-Burning Man. There's no plan so it remains a non-event, everyone is camping on their own, and groups remain small enough to avoid the need for BLM permits. The desert is huge, so you end up with these little gypsy camps literally miles apart that you can only visit by cranking across the salt flat at seventy miles an hour. It's very relaxing and oddly social and weird. Yeah, I'll probably go. I just can't be bothered right now getting ready.
Thanks to BMan going mainstream and selling out and so on, more people are expected to show up this year. The BLM's intended response is unknown but I'm sure they will be ruthless in upholding the laws regarding fireworks, firearms, and caring for the environment. One hopes. When neo-hippies go all stupid and annoying I want them arrested for something.
Last year: Fri Sat Sun Mon
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I quit dating sites again. Was getting occasional messages from women but not anything interesting. My interests are actually very narrow right now. Truth to tell, all I want to find are a few women here and there who are either unconcerned about my existing relationships or would enjoy joining in with them. I've tried to intimate as much, but the websites don't attract such specialists. Or I'm really bad at being clear. Whatever. Don't really have much time for that anyway.
I consider G to be my one success in the website realm. She eventually decided being one of more than one was not for her. But I'm still fond of her and in fact last weekend she sent a couple pictures from Hawaii. She looked really good. No, I mean really good. And knew it, of course, but why shouldn't she? I told her as much anyhow. Maybe she's keeping a weather eye out should I decide someday to become somewhat normal ... or in some way, she wants to remain friends.
* * *
I never was one to have many friends. People who are not pretty much in my face don't get much attention. I never think to call and say hey. So it figures that sometimes I suddenly feel all alone. I suppose that's not unusual.
* * *
But I did have lunch yesterday with a guy I met at a company in 1992. Somehow we keep that going. He works as a contractor in my high-tech world. I admire and envy his independence. We discussed the ins and outs a little bit. I'd love to have my freedom but to be honest, I have neither the sharp skill set not the discipline to hang my own shingle. I'd end up spending my supposedly free time (of which an independent has none anyway) researching early California history and sketching stories. Better to just keep faking it in the corporate world and do all that when they have finally had enough and kicked me out.
* * *
Yes, unemployment to me means opportunity. The scary parts -- my kids' and ex's finances collapsing, loss of health insurance -- don't really impinge upon my fears. Clearly I haven't suffered enough.
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I'm behind at work and a little panicked about it. If you knew why, most of you would look at me as at a child who doesn't do his homework. But there are mitigating factors that maintain my value. Personality, extra hours, I dunno. At any rate I am hitting a final this-time-we-mean-it deadline. There was a moment this morning as I entered the freeway when I was excited about getting into the office and focusing on the things I needed to do today and getting them done. I could see just what needed doing and how it would play out over the morning and afternoon. By the time I got in, though, there had been other thoughts, and that focused energy was gone. Generally, it is not retrievable. So today went like most days.
I finally listened to friends and went through the program at Kaiser and it was pretty obvious to the evaluating professional that I am kind of ADHD after all. They don't usually hand down diagnoses this late in life, but I've never been subject to examination. My wee bit of hypertension isn't enough to matter so my doctor is willing to prescribe an ADHD med. The prescription has to be hand-written, so I'll get it when he comes back from vacation.
I'm mixed about the whole thing. I've found I can focus fine if properly incentivized. An immediate reward for getting a thing done, for example. By immediate I mean having something I'd rather do that starts in half an hour. Continuation of paycheck is too abstract. Another is if someone is around who might catch me goofing off whose opinion I care about. That helps me focus too.
Ooh, wait. I'm not ADHD at all. I'm just immature.
* * *
Does my fascination with early California history require any explanation? I see it as a huge vein of largely unmined material. Who for example has seen any dramatization of the unique state of African-Americans here in the 1850s? Intrigues around the Russian and Spanish empires' common frontier? A romance with modern vision but traditional sensibilities concerning the tragic love life of Doña Concepción Arguello? A psychologically realistic portrait of the Jewish South African immigrant who became Emperor Norton? I have rich ideas for all of these. Just, you know, the usual lack of time / discipline / focus ... if I only had a brain ... da dat da dut da da daa ...
We Are Champions Regardless
9 comments:
I have to say that, irrespective of gender, I have rarely met anyone who felt comfortable with baldly being informed that, relationship-wise, they could look forward to being one of more than one. On an ongoing basis.
And I don't say that to moralize. I twelve-timed my high school/college boyfriend (this is the one who ended up telling me he felt he was intrinsically a woman, explaining some disastrous bedroom scenarios, but since he still hasn't transitioned at the age of 60, nuts to him for a waffler). Lots of people are, as Dan Savage puts it, "monogamish" -- they want the home cooking in the long term but can't resist a tempting restaurant now and then, and given a modicum of class in conducting one's affairs, an understanding SO can live with that. But the people who are comfortable with being at best part of a restaurant chain are hard to find. As the first guy I ever slept with said to me in a candid discussion about this: "What if you're emotionally bonded to two guys -- and they both need the kind of support and understanding they get from you and no one else? on the same evening?"
I've become more cynical over the years on the question of whether men need women at all, emotionally speaking, but he had a point, and it is probably the kind of thing that goes through women's minds when considering your relationship style.
There are polyamorous people who seem to make it work, but I suspect it takes patience.
Well, men do need women emotionally, without question. If there are two who need the one for support at the same time, well, that's tough, but openness / love / communication can at least minimize the risk / damage. I can't really concoct a plausible scenario in which that happens anyway. I think men usually only get needy in a way that brooks no delay when something bad happens, so we're talking coincidence.
What I'm talking about are playmates, I guess. They're out there. Not so sure online though. It's matter of eyes open and iron hot. And yeah, given that polyamorists have applied to them the term "unicorn", probably hella rare.
Still, I don't know. I've always needed to walk the minefield in order to understand it. Been that way forever. The experiences of others and theoretical fears have never really sufficed to teach me anything.
Polyamory takes patience. Luckily, I've got it, and so do the men I'm involved with.
While genuinely poly people are not a majority by any stretch of any imagination, there are plenty of them about.
Playmates, too. Well, male playmates. I guess there are female ones, but I've never looked for any.
I also saw Brave. On a whim. I called it a "chick flick." And while I applaud the basis of making the female characters strong and nearly autonomous, and I deeply enjoyed the animation and artistry (especially the hair movement), I disliked the typical ploy of making the men seem ineffectual and buffoonish. I also found the story a bit middling, not terribly mind-stretching. It didn't have enough layers keeping it accessible to the little ones while providing meaty, chewy goodness for the adults.
I did appreciate that the hetoine and her mother found their own solutions and didn't have to bat their eyelashes and be rescued by the love interest.
I'm prejudiced against animated films. Just the way I am. Shrek (the first) was tolerable because of the soundtrack, but I went cuz of the kids. I spose if a group of fiends were all going to a 'toon, I'd go too, and possibly be pleasantly surprised, but I wouldn't seek one out on my own. I may be seeing To Rome With Love this weekend, which should be good, though I wish I'd seen Paris.
Sounds like you're basically in a good place, Don (and gekko). Glad to hear! I'm working on doing better, too.
Sledpress reported what a guy had said to her: "What if you're emotionally bonded to two guys -- and they both need the kind of support and understanding they get from you and no one else? on the same evening?"
That can be negotiated, in a deliberately open relationship. Ultimately the one who is at the pivot needs to make a decision based on his or her own criteria on whose need at the moment is more critical, and do a trade-off on potential cost to the relationship. It depends on the emotional maturity of all the participants too.
Suppose you're in a traditional monogamous relationship and your mother is deathly ill and in need of your care, but your spouse suddenly has an emotional need for you?
Exactly. Same thing. If everyone involved doesn't demonstrate some emotional maturity, the triad can't form in the first place.
My kids really enjoyed "Brave." Nothing more need be said. I was entertained, and I was happy they were entertained. Never expected it to be anything beyond that.
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