The Night Before NaNo

Still in the office, about to give up and grab a bagful of Panda Express or some damn thing, and go home and watch Breaking Bad with the door locked. My loving woman is out with a subset of her children, invitation to join which I declined, for the reason that Halloween depresses me, or I'm in the mood for it to anyway, and I'd really rather just stay in and be alone.

I had a good Halloween once, not sure of the year, but it was the night of a blue moon, and we went to my younger son's best friend's neighborhood, a gated community where many of the houses had a side table for adult treats, mostly glasses of wine. It was a good night, pretty and warm.

There were others. But my time of chaperoning young'uns in the ritual has either passed, or it is one of the activities of young'uns I have not yet returned to. I have happily returned to some. Sunya reintegrated her life, and I am no longer a part of it separate from her children, but a piece of the whole. I've also come to suspect that my dreams, acted upon in 2010, of becoming an actively polyamorous single man just weren’t as aligned with my basic nature as being part of a family. This is indicated by my long marriage, which I left in part for frustrations that I could not address while there, but that I can address while in this relationship now; and by the discovery over the past year that true polyamory simply seems counter to my nature. The proper balance for me between being in a family with a partner who amazes me, and keeping my social independence (i.e. dating other women) is still being discovered, but that it can be discovered, surrounded by love, is a rather key point.

So, yes, I'm still in the office, writing-time is officially open in a handful of hours, there are local NaNoWriMo get-togethers out there I have zero interest in, and I guess I'll just start writing tomorrow sometime. I'm not at all enthused, but once I get myself into it I will be for awhile, until Life and Sleep catch up with me. Right now I'm just hungry and brain-dead. It's probably a good thing November this year starts on a weekend.