I got notice of a class action settlement on behalf of the holders of shares in "certain mutual funds" and if I can show I held shares during the time period, I get money! Wee hoo!
I read the info. (Skimmed, whatever, where's my money?)
I looked through my records and found I hold shares of one of the funds. (Okay, its name changed, but still.)
I looked up the average recovery per eligible share. It had a big dollar sign in front followed by some very large-appearing numerals: $0.0071!
I looked up how many shares I hold and it too had several digits: 71.223!
I did some simple math and found I am eligible for a class action settlement of $00,000.506!
No need to jostle in line, I am always generous when flush.
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5 comments:
I hope you enjoy that piece of gum, and don't forget about your friends and family while you're chewing it!
LOL.
A while ago I got a check for something or other for 60 cents. When I failed to cash it after 90 days, they sent me a letter saying that SOMEONE MUST HAVE STOLEN MY SIXTY CENTS OMG, so they'd canceled that check and sent me a new one for 60 cents. I briefly considered seeing how much money I could cost them in 60 cent checks, but decided that was mean and deposited it.
Hey, where's that fifty cents you owe me?
Well, I got $12 and odd cents from the company that fucked up my 403B funds!
I was diligent about getting my $20 from Slim Fast during the recall last year but just faffed off and missed the deadline for getting $20 back from 24Hr Fitness for some BS or other. So it all evens out. :)
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