Dating Miscellaneous

Paula is "done with the dating sites". I commented that "I’ve dated two from sites, and neither worked out. I’ve dated x from the real world, and am astounded by life."

Then I wrote about my dating site date last weekend and how there was no chemistry (right, I can't be bothered telling my stories here but can in comments elsewhere). I was unsure how to end it and was being lazy.

Not long after that I realized how sex-focused I was being. How much does a lack of physical chemistry really mean? The woman I met is amazing in her own way, has been studying spiritual sexuality for a long time and, if I may be self-interested, has without doubt a lot to impart to me if I am open to it.

She gave me a book: Aphrodite's Daughters. It's right up my alley. I have long been deeply interested in female sexuality and the manner in which most of our cultures have crushed it over the past few millennia and the steps that can now be taken to heal this and thus heal the world. I haven't written much about that, but the significance of the sexual priestesses of old, whom history books inaccurately dismiss as "temple prostitutes", has been clear to me at least since I had an unexpected insight at a strip club in San Francisco in 1993.

Gotta watch out at those places.

Anyway, somewhere in that book a woman described how her sexual and spiritual energy are so intertwined that they really are not about genital excitement at all. Our sexuality permeates every facet of our being. And so I'm thinking, um, if the woman who gave me this book still likes me (and she does), probably I should give the not-entirely-necessary physical chemistry a little more time to develop, i.e. go out with her again.

Not soon: She's out of town (presumably with one or another of her three lovers) the next couple weekends, and I'm all booked up the next three myself.

And a gal I met at work and who now knows all about my interesting life wants to go out with me again, and she has priority.

And I am *in* love with two amazing women, different reasons, different ways, different intensities, different moments of arc (for you mathy types), differently but undeniably so; and don't think that makes life a tunnel of rainbows. Love is a sweet torture chamber, as things continually evolve and change, and as so much is gained, so much also can be lost.

Sometimes I think the way some of us are living we are mainly just making sure when we die of old age we've really earned it.

But I wouldn't get off this roller coaster for anything. I didn't miss the stability of marriage for long -- for far longer I mourned the loss of the stability I gave to my children's mother, the loss of the shield from pain that I attempted to provide -- and I don't want or need stability today. If whatever I need can be articulated, it is a more spiritual enlightenment, as sort of hinted at above, though I'm not eddicated enough to expand on it today. Sexual priestesses are part of it, though, and goddesses who've for a time descended, and so on. They're out there, that's been proven.