Sexual Prejudice, Perhaps

Saturday was a day of working alone on Burning Man prep with a lengthy interlude of lunch with my son and his girlfriend. They took me out to a local vegetarian drive-up for my birthday. Otherwise I was out in the beautifully cool threat of a summer storm working on my housing solution.

K & J and a chicken

Around dinnertime I went over to the CORE work site. The Circle Of Regional Effigies is a Burning Man thing whereby various regions each build a structure representing something or other. People come and ooh and ahh and climb on them and such-like. Then on Thursday night of Burn Week they all go up in flame.

I learned about it on Thursday night of Burn Week last year. Gekko and I were relaxing in a chill space far from our respective homes, reclined on cushions that were spread out under a low canopy strung with rope lights, when suddenly a long line of huge fires erupted in the distance. We got on our bikes and rode and thereby learned about the C Of RE.

This year, Sunny is the chief artist for the Sacramento offering in that while it is a collaborative project of about fifty people, the design mostly reflects her vision. It has a tree motif, more or less a treehouse, essentially a platform with tree-like touches. At the work site I found her jigsawing leafy pieces that others were attaching. I did a little fetching and carrying and then joined in the barbecue. Some old friends met, some new friends made, some doggies lurved up on, all was good, real good.

Arboria

We liked that a storm was brewing as it had the potential to provide some wind loading tests. No significant gusts ever came up, though. Just some unusual displays of lightning -- unusual in that lightning is relatively rare in California.

At some point a half dozen of us decided to raid our host's playa wear supply and go to a theme camp fundraiser at a bar in Auburn. Auburn is an old town a half hour's drive into California's red-state hinterland. We filled Sunny's large German automobile and I drove it up into the foothills. Much drinking and dancing ensued with the usual mixture of oddly dressed Burners and somewhat nonplussed locals. Around about one o'clock Sunny connected with a really fine blonde chick and for about half an hour they burned up the floor something fierce: Writhing, touching, kissing, deeply into it. It was a beautiful sight but I kept my distance both to respect the other girl's unknown boundaries and especially because her boyfriend seemed a little uncertain what was going on or what to do. There's no reason to push a guy's buttons, and getting too near his girl without permission is certain to do that.

While this was going on a friend of mine sort of pulled me aside. She's a lovely lady who was in fact the first Burner to open her arms in welcome when my wife and I went to our very first work party in the spring of 2008. We've been dear friends ever since. But she had comment: This was inappropriate; and there is a time to be a man.

I was too drunk or relaxed or slow-witted to take offense, which I'm very slow to do anyway. I didn't know what she meant and assumed she was concerned about the girl's boyfriend and that I should break it up. I hovered a bit, dumb and confused, wrestling with my instincts. My instincts are usually pretty sound, and they bade me leave them alone. Once I realized the girl's boyfriend was her problem, not mine, I went away again (with a smile and hand-squeeze from S).

Eventually they parted and the bar closed and everyone went home and life went on. Next day, I pondered this little episode, and realized that my friend probably was not concerned about the other boyfriend. More likely, she was concerned about me. It seemed as though she thought S was dissing me by making out with someone else. But she was wrong. S has the freedom to connect as she will, and I am always happy to see her happy. In that light, I started to wonder if my friend wasn't operating from within an assumption of ownership: That Sunny was with me and I was failing to maintain control of her.

Looked at that way, I really did take offense. My friend's assumptions and comments now took on an aspect of judgment. Judgment against me, against open loving, against our independent choices, simply because they did not fit her particular worldview of ownership and control.

There isn't a great deal of difference between this and judgment of other behaviors, such as homosexuality, that do not strictly fit the classical norm. I am a little disappointed that a veteran Burner would take this attitude.

But people are people wherever you go; and as Sunny pointed out, we were, after all, in Auburn.