An April Fool

Finally, after fifty six and a half years of life, my hair is starting to turn gray. My beard has been gray for a long time, ten or twenty years. My temples have had a distinguished dusting for some time as well. But the hair sprouting out the top of my head has remained more or less my natural color, a sort of dark blonde with various hues, some brown, even red in the right kind of sunlight.

No more. I really noticed when I pulled my hair back into a tight ponytail or a bun. With the thicker locks subdued, the hair right at the roots becomes evident. I saw myself and thought, damn, I look old, or older anyway, why is that, and determined an overall grayishness was the reason. Looking closer, I saw the grayishness wasn't just the lighting or my mood or lack of sleep but an actual objective color to be seen in my scalp. Well, I thought. Hmm. And that was about that.

But over time I learned my lady had noticed it too. She loves me, and love accepts flaws, especially unavoidable ones. She will love me when I'm a wrinkly and shrunken if vigorous old nonagenarian (or so's my plan). But today we are youthful and active and whether taken individually or together are highly attractive. She likes that, and wants to keep that, and suggests I color my hair. More than suggests: She naturally assumes that to be the right thing to do. Why wouldn't I?

Well, to me that question begs its counterpart. Why would I, is the more apt inquiry. I've rarely bought into the costs and efforts of vanity. I'm hella vain, let's not pretend. I like to look good. Be in shape. Dress attractively. But looking good doesn't include looking like something other than myself. If I go bald, I'm bald. If I lose a limb, I lose a limb. When I go gray, I'm gray. Women recolor their hair. It's a normal and acceptable thing. Men do not.

Oh, wait, yes they do. But to pretend a moment they don't, and to be simplistic, the reasons are clear. We want to be attractive to one another, but while certain hallmarks of youth on women are attractive to men, the hallmarks of experience on men are more attractive to women. If a woman prefers younger men whose hair is not yet gray, she can have them. That need not concern me.

Well, today I'm just giving word to my speculations, trying to see what my landing zone might look like. I will let them color it if they want to, because I go along, especially with things of little importance. And there is no shortage of precedence. But overall it's a silly idea to the likes of me, and so, fool that I am, I can't say what I would truly prefer to do, beyond what constitutes the least overall effort.