I wrote about it a lot as part of my process. I will write a little more as part of the communication. I'm both writer and egoist enough to do at least that much. Here is the first draft.
Why I'm Not Going to Burning Man
I was very busy and kept putting off the work I wanted to do for Burning Man. This included rebuild and repair activity on bikes and the electric trike, costume design, and enhancements to my camp shelter and lighting. Once it was clear I was only going to do the minimum of these, I realized I was seeing Burning Man as something to get over with rather than to get excited about. I’m excited if I have something new to bring. Otherwise, I’m just hanging around. I felt that out and saw that I actually wasn’t looking forward to it.
Instead I was anticipating an experience very much like last year’s: The brilliant moments of otherworldly joy that I go for interspersed with stretches of meh and downright unhappiness. Why the meh? Because even while every day brings unpredictable sights and connections, I’ve been enough times to predict how each day will more or less go. A certain sameness has come to dominate the week. It’s almost like taking the same vacation every year.
I had that deathly realization right about the time Sunya got the opportunity to make an art installation for TBD Fest and realized she didn’t have time to do both that and Burning Man. We vacillated a bit, independently, as we do. We each cherish our independence and even planned to stay this year in separate camps. But as so often happens, our independent paths ran in parallel lines. She got an offer on our tickets, and all I had to do was make up my mind. Should we sell hers, or the whole package? That decision wasn’t hard to make once I saw that I had already decided and just wasn’t admitting it.
This is my first break since my first trip in 2008. Burning Man has provided me the space, inspiration, and confidence for enormous growth and change, and my naturally sentimental nature hesitates to let it go. But living and growing, like loving, are exercises in letting go. It is with love that I let go of Burning Man 2015, and with love that I see my friends go without me into that amazing regenerative dust.
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7 comments:
My first thought is to get rid of the reference to last year. I don't need to include anything negative about last year, which naturally refers to the people I spent time with.
You'll be happier. Good decision.
But for your edit, why remove the reference? You were unhappy. That's a fact. It's a factor, too, in your decision. If the people you spent time with didn't ken that you were unhappy then, that's their problem, not yours. If they were the cause of it, then so much the better for them to learn it. If they weren't, then why should your unhappiness reflect on them? You're responsible for your own feelings, not them.
Wow. I didn't have to click the "prove I'm not a robot" thinger.
I knew it. :)
I also read that the place is infested with weirdy bugs, so fab decision all around.
I hope you will find new ways to make that week artistically satisfying so you end the summer feeling positive and centered and creative. IMO you really need to work on your California history book idea. It has been calling to you all this time.
Not only did I have to click I'm not a robot but I also had to pick out pics of waffles from a set of odd looking foodstuffs. I could tell right away that one was a waffle, so I clicked that, but they weren't happy, so I clicked another one that barely looked wafflish. Then they let me go.
The latest report from the playa sez the bug infestation is winding down. Birds have been gathering and making tasty meals of them, PLUS the heat, lack of water, etc. has been killing them. Maybe by the time I hit the dust there will be few to none, as it ought to be.
A long-time DPW guy died yesterday. DPW is Dept of Public Works, the gang that builds the city infrastructure, stakes and grades the "streets", etc. I did not get details on how he died.
And it's weird that I didn't have to click, that I never see pictures of waffles.
He had health issues such that people who knew him weren't terribly surprised. They are focusing on appreciating that he died in the city he loved.
I heard a lot of bats came out to eat too. They were landing on people etc. But yeah, it's just a swarm, and swarms are natural occurrences that don't last very long.
I was unhappy last year when I let my tendency to self-isolate go on too long. Originally I meant to go this year and work on counteracting that. But going with so much unfinished business at home got to be a drag. Now I get to spend the time building up for the rest of the year instead. Excited about that.
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